The Mind of a space monkey

Miserably I am sitting in my room,
No gleam, no nothing, I feel like I'm doomed,
Raised without examples I lived on to strive,
For being acknowledged,
For being alive.
Trust is what I seek,
In the faces of whom I meet,
For beauty lies within the soul,
Not the brute, disgusting body of flesh and white bones,

Drenched with prejudice and resentful beliefs.

Into the mirror once I looked,
Didn’t see anything special,
Only me, as always, nothing new,
As is stood I started thinking,
I should be crooked and old and stinking,
For my life has not been normal,
Only a devil would still be roaming.
Then I shrugged and kept on going,
Tempting, teasing, thinking, pleasing,
Hardly sticking to my reason,
I went on just to find treason.
Oh, what a life I always think,
For every day seems to bring,
A new breeze, a stronger wind.
Victim to everything I still do fall,
For all this tempting and all the teasing,
Makes me slave to all the feelings,
Provoked, procured and then endured,
I always did and always will,
Give everything I can,
Myself, For ever.
Because to me,
I do not matter,

I never will.

My torment is my bride,
My everything, my life,
With seductive charms it leads me in,
Into this realm which right now is no more than a dream,
I wonder and I rearrange,
All the things that I would like to change,
The things that I one day would like to see,
For there is no one which can make me believe,
That this has purpose or that I have reason,
Folly to think that past is life,
Although this is right where I do wither.
I often did consider,
That madness is just a thin line made of air,
I might have crossed it, Maybe it has never been there.
I would only love to know,
Have I really done so much wrong?

Petty was a strange little girl,
At least that was the others parole,
They used to talk behind her back,
While she was dancing on a wrack.
She didn’t care wether it was withered and old,
It just was something which was there to be told,
Told to her majestic friend,
The toad she found… on the neighbors land.
Not much she understood of the rules and the lies.
Not very human, but never disguised.
Probably she was nothing like anyone else,
Maybe just innocence in a lifeform itself,
Because this filthy pit, just wasn’t her world,
She wouldn’t despair when to her it was told,
Her world was nice and warm and pretty,
While the others’ was shameless and ruthless and cold,
Something which might just be our own world.

With the smile of a madman he walks through his days,
His name is Elvin, he likes to sit by the graves,
It tears him inside and his smile turns to dust,
It is the only time he puts down his mask.
He will praise and he will sing,
Long lost anthems of passed but passionate sin,
For sins they are to him,
Forbidden to speak or touch or obtain,
Because they hold no glory inside of them,
Just another rotten layer of the doomed,
That might be forgotten, If there weren’t these runes,
Now, he’s sitting there, again with his back to a toombdoor, a lair,
Thinking that just one day,
He will be exactly the same,
Motionless and disfigured and dead!
He will be silent then,
But right now, he is keeping on going further ahead,
With poetry and writings,
Which someday’ll be him,
The long lost anthems,
Which are doomed to remain,

For all that will have been within.