The Mind of a space monkey

Like a falling star,

You come down from your sky,
With this feeling of hate,
Rage and disgust.
And your mind sickly bleeds,
With the thrust of your soul,
Which fights to escape,
But bound to the bone,
It remains enclaved.
You have just died,
It cannot be denied,
You can never be as before,
Someone, trying to ignore,
Born again and ready to fight.
Full of mystery and anger,
But with perverted delight.
Striving towards fullfillness,
Full of madness and wit.
You crave, you resist, you desire, you exist.
You savage, you kill, you eat, you thrill.
You try to forget. Trying not to regret.
Your future you think,
Is there, next to your goal.
But it’s who you are, which you are trying to ignore.

When I think of you,
I think: "I want to savage you",
I want to be aware,
I just will have to dare.
When I will ask you my friend,
What will you think in the end?
Will you have a glass of wine?
And then be absolutely mine?
Will there be lust and greed?
Or just plain hate and grief?
What will you do with all that lust?
That lust of flesh and of consumption?
This is not the way you are used to function.
You turn and scream and shout,
You realize you are making primal sounds.
Will you ever be called human?
Or just an ape, one step higher in evolution?

When does it happen,
That everything’s lost,
As if there was nothing,
But a giant hoast.
Why did it happen,
That history's got lost,
Rotting in the pits of a tratorous beast.
A beast which controls and does not obey,
Does nothing to help,
Encourages human decay.
With its jaws and its claws it keeps up the fear,
It keeps them believe the harsh bellowed words,
Of life and it’s loss
Within the pride is obscurized.
The whole treasure though,
Absolutely denied.
With the years passing by,
The memory fades,
I am asking where is the saviour,
To rescue the slaves?

I was wondering,
Where did you go?
That winter night when it was all cold?
In the forest, underneath the leaves you left me behind,
In the dark glowing fluid,
The secret of life.
Where did you go after you danced on my skin?,
With your nails tearing and ripping within.
Why did you leave me all messed up behind?
I loved you so much,
But you did not care,
Only anger, grief and superstition was there.
Now I am falling asleep,
In this cold night,
With tears in my eyes.

Well let me tell you a secret,
It is about the life and what’s in it!
It is the state of mind called euphoria!
It is like a chill, has more impact than pneumonia!
We all should take advantage of it,
For it is a gift!
You shall take care and you shall notice,
The way of your mind and the things that you practice.
Love, fear, existence and despair!
All of them are connected in a lair.
We shouldn’t backup, we all should dare!
Dare to live, speak, shout, love,
For it is what we get,
A life, no more, it is a fact!

What if one day you turned to dust?
All your memories would be lost?
Can you think of that event?
Without craving for revenge?
Raging against the force much stronger than you,
Controls everything which is surrounding you,
The secret kept with pride,
By time and loss and vanished life.
Adopted by the thieves and beggars and priests,
As god it exists.
The faithful dream and pray and hope and die,
They fade away,
Just like some time,
We all will have to die.
Or did I just lie?

Well it happens once in a while,
I tell you that you fail,
So you crack the stupid shell,
Then it happens that you think,
And someone says that I do stink,
But this is all too clear,
Cause it is you and me,
And everything that is near.
I hope you do understand,
That this is the land,
The land of epic fail,
And I will tell you now,
That you just don’t know how,
But then I just might think,
Am I the one who stinks?
Is it really that clear,
Or is there something else near?
Did I epic fail or was it you,
The one with the tale.
Incoherent I talk,
Because sense I can’t grasp.
This is ridiculous,
So I will quit this imbecility,
In a way quite meticulously.
Cheers!

I’m a tramp, I cruise the land and the seas and the thoughts and disease. I do think about my life as the beginning of a knife. I do not know where to go, but I do know for sure, where I go I leave a mark for it is my decision I took the day I was born. Often I dream about the past and I try to deem, but I can’t quite grasp, this feeling it forever will last. I might even tell: “ I do not pretend, this past I demand and I require the truth but there is nothing which will give me proof, you are nothing to me, neither your thoughts. Morality is the issue, which is eating my tissue. I couldn’t yet grasp, did never deny, I hope I’m not living a lie. Now I see you, as the last piece of clue.” I did wrong and I did right, I took decisions with the insight, but I never got told though, the reason unknown, why I am supposed to get it on my own.

[play the song from the video below and read]


~.The Joker.~

Once upon a time, in a land quite familiar, there lived a boy, a boy who grew up with jokes and a brilliant laugh. When he was tall, his jokes weren’t small, they would crack the hardest shell, even of oysters with the most horrible smell. The only difference was, now he would wear a mask. It would cover his face, the wrinkles which made him remember decay. What hell of a fun he’d have, with the bellowing crowd, to stand on the scene and watch all the fat bankers and their braindamaged wives… But once he turned around, the curtain striving his sleeves whilst he got off the stage, his face would turn red and frighteningly mad. In the wagons he would quietly sit, with a wide opened mouth, where no laughter came out. The mask would tingle down his shoulder strapped to his neck and you could see the two faces from awfully happy to absolutely mad. He would start twitching and turning and frighten the kids. From time to time he‘d tell that voices inside of his head would be talking quite rad, but this only happened when he was in bed. One day, on the stage with the lights at his head, he judgingly grinned, he called the crowd pigs and shallow and dim. He turned quite affected, took a little gun and ended quite sudden, this last joke of his, including a man and a bullet and a very loud drum.

I am fascinated, fascinated by the human nature. The way we talk, move, try to keep ourselves calm, panic, cry, laugh, moan and scream.
The way we take care of every movement we make, the way smokers push out the beautyfully curling and dancing slow death out of their lungs. Funny how it seems to get life when we exhale but when we inhale, it actually takes life... Give and take. This is exactly what it is. It gives you comfort and beauty, you on the other hand give it the power to live it out.
I am fascinated by the decorations which we put into our rooms or on our walls. Funny that we need such things.. basically they are just nice to look at. No one really needs them.
Then again? what do we actually need? I say nothing. So why don't just enjoy the ride and watch and breathe and exist and live and love every single feeling we have? Why not even love agony, rage and the empty feeling in your stomache when something bad happens?
Embrace what you have.

If I was the one to be at your side,
I was praying night for night for thy to give me a sign,
Not an answer did I get,
not that I didn’t expect,
An answer not to get,
therefore I had never loved enough,
The idea of fate, in my dreams-I was a rough.
Now here I am, overwhelmed by thy powers I didn’t and still don’t expect,
I don’t know what to do - with this border I am through,
But still I expect…

An answer I won’t get.