The Mind of a space monkey

I think and I believe,
That there is this most important thing,
It does not begin with life, Nor does it end with death,
It’s like a reason so true it takes your breath,
It’s in you and it’s in me,
It is in everyone who wants to see.
With eyes wide opened,
One shall witness,
That this surrounding thing is growing on,
Ever on and very strong,
It just needs to be found and then,
Be fought for until the end.
For it’s the reason which gives us life,
I am talking about love,
You, darling. My life.

*

In aceasta poezie,
Eu voi scrie,
Eu voi scrie despre ce am vazut,
In acel singur bob de naut.
Am vazut ce am vazut,
Dar sincer nu prea mi-a placut.
Nu pot sa spun ca era frumos,
Atat de singur si hidos.
Daca era inca un bob,
poate arata si el ca un glob,
dar asa singur si parasit,
Fara rost, fara nimic,
El era un bob de naut.
Fara creier si fara de facut.
Ai face bine sa creezi,
sa misti, sa gandesti, chiar si sa cedezi.
Mai bine sa cedezi dupace ai facut,
Nu ca un sarac bob de naut.
Un bob ce nu poate face nimic,
lipsit de cap, maini si rinichi.
Nu fii si tu un bob de naut! Pentru ca sigur, gasesti ceva de facut!

You are lovely just the way that you are,
Just have to dare to be what you are,
In a world which needs the face of truth and right,
You will be the one to bring the shining delight.
Be what you feel and want to be,
As long as it is you which will uncover what is within.
For there are millions drowning in their sins,
Don’t be one of them, I beg you please,
For this world needs,
Just what you do not want to be.

With love and honour and everything which exists,
This is dedicated to you,
Just stay like this.

Laughter laughter,
Where have you been?
Did you read all my deepest sins?
Do you fear to come back again,
Now that I am most delighted by shame?
Have you tried to beckon me,
While I was just giggling within?
But now it’s allright,
I have found you again,
In all the scars that I gained.
I love and I hate,
But to me now,
It is all the same.

As I lay awake,
Time passes sharply by,
With it’s ripping limbs,
The clock is ticking on and on.
As I twist and turn and seek,
For something in my head to please,
The hunger for anything which will make me sleep.
It seems as if years have passed me by,
In a time so short and slow, but clouded at night.
Maybe it is because I just don’t mind,
The things I’ve done another time,
Maybe it’s because I sleep,
Another day,
Another week.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick…
Have I really fallen that deep?

I buried myself within the lies of the wicked,
With smiles and polite words I denied all the sickness,
I fall but still am walking on and further,
My eyes only seeing the pavement move closer,
Spinning and drifting further and away,
Again I hear the world roaring in vain,
Running and screaming and tearing apart,
I’m beginning to shiver and embracing the dark.
Now I am here in shelter with me,
It is quiet and smothering and hot I cannot stand,
I just can’t resist to begin with again.
But now it’s my toomb which will hold me back.
I feel sick, I want to flee, but my limbs won’t react,
Maybe this isn’t the way I should act.
I remembered my sentence when I broke down before,
It was „ He is dead now, choked on his gore“
But why? How could this all be?
I am thinking am I not? Where am I? Am I me?
And then just a second after thinking all this,
I woke up again, I am just a kid.

I want to bow you down,
And then just brake you down,
And I will take your crown,
And you then will drown.
After I broke you down,
And took your crown,
I will accept the theft and be a king,
A king of rotten leafs and rain,
There will be no more and we all shall fade,
Into filthy stench,
The ghosts that we bare,
Cause this is all I release,
Humanity’s guilt and disease.

Not for you,
Not for me,
Time has passed, Can’t you see?
People change,
Things get strange,
Time forgotten,
Thoughts are rotten,
Once we thought,
We were for each other,
Now we’re apart,
And our paths lead ever further,
From the things that were said.
From time to time,
We turn and look back,
Just to find out,
We have lost the old track.

Even the greatest of us fade,
Vanish but still reside,
In our hearts and in our minds.
We do not tempt to believe they’re gone,
Cause they leave something behind.
It is our duty to remember their lives,
But as bright big lights!
We love and for ever we will think,
Of the People which we care about,
There is absolutely no doubt.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson,
You have done a lot for us! You will be forever in our hearts.

When it all goes down,
And you have lost your crown,
Will you dream and fight?
Or will you go out, like a light?
Like a dream you just fade,
To come back once in a while,
And then again fade,
You are the one that once wore the crown,
The one which was praised and then burned down!
You are the hunted, you are the evil,
The one which once was godsent and then the seed of the devil!
This is what you are, and your time will just come,
When you raise from the ashes,
To do it all again,

The way you once did,

When the time is right,

When it is on demand.

Marching forward, never stop!
Marching forward, till you drop!
Marching forward, going faster!
Marching forward, faster! Faster!
Marching forward, till you drop!
Marching forward, never stop!

"This is your place,
This is the essence of existency,
This is the perspective you are going to have!
This is the purpose you will live for!
This is the ultimate meaning until you die!"

Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! – one –
Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! – two –
Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! – three –
Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! – four –
Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! – five –
Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! – six –
Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! – seven –
Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! – eight –
Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! – nine –
Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! – ten –
…

Go! – faster!
Work! – harder!
Resist! – longer!
Die! – harder!

I wish for that day,
That craving which won’t go away,
That You and I are standing here,
That moment is not quite near,
Each of us with a glass of red wine.
I would love to see your eyes wide opened and shine,
For I do love you, I’d wish you were fine.
What there is though,
Which makes all this a lie,
Is that you do not exist,
My heart is clenched to a fist.
I want it to happen,
This moment in which,
There is only you and I,

To make true this dream of mine.

Once in a while,
You just feel the need to cry,
To cry for everything that lasts,
And everything which ever was,
To cry it all out of your soul,
With that gaping black hole,
The one which is inside your body,
When you lost something – it is quite funny,
Because you feel like you miss a part of you.
Sometimes it just enfuriates you,
Then you laugh and think in anger,
That you want it to stop and be no more,
For you are tormented by this sorrow,
This sorrow which makes you fucking sentimental,
Why can’t you just be a bit more gentle?
Why on earth do you care so much?
About all the things in which you trust?
Why would you even spend a second,
To think about whatever happened?
God on earth you must be cursed;
It is your fault and your doing,

Receive the punishment which is given,
Just go already fuck yourself,
You stupid asshole! Can’t you tell?
It is you who is the motherfucker,
This will never change, you know it,
Suffer.

Viciously I crouch,
Onto the tablet made of sins,
I hail, I moan, I greet the screams,
One day, one day, I there will lay,
With a broad wide smile on the center of the stage,
Just looking at the sealing.
For this is the only meaning,
I have gone and hailed and praised and failed,
Now I am to look up to be risen,
For I am upset with this silly reason.
Do you believe in treason?
Do you believe in reason?
Do you believe in dignity?
Isn’t it all obscenity?
I believe that there’s something there,
Which can never decide wether it’s there.

There was a time when I believed,
I believed that it could be,
I only wanted to be.
Now my desire is to end,
But with honour and I tend,
I tend to think about the time that has passed me by,
Tempted to turn around and say goodbye.
My spirits have changed,
Much wiser in the end,
I want them to shatter into pieces,
Because they created all the leashes.
I want all this to fade,
Into ashes and then aid.
I want to redeem for my mistakes,
Then just turn and start again,
Be what I once used to be,
Something which feels and cares,
and wants to be.

I have been there,
I have gone away,
I have left you,
I have torn the way,
When you smacked the snail,
Out of its silver shell,
Into your shivering veins,
I turned into prey,
The prey had to pray,
As it turned away,
I had seen it through my eyes,
In the assasins disguise.
I have lost my own world,
Into the soul of this beast,
From unconciousness to gust,
I am filled with lust.
Right and then wrong, weak and then strong, slow and then fast,
When you catch it,
You know it will last.
Be right there with me,
When it will pass.
As this one gift to the gods,
Sacrifice for my lust.

Like a falling star,

You come down from your sky,
With this feeling of hate,
Rage and disgust.
And your mind sickly bleeds,
With the thrust of your soul,
Which fights to escape,
But bound to the bone,
It remains enclaved.
You have just died,
It cannot be denied,
You can never be as before,
Someone, trying to ignore,
Born again and ready to fight.
Full of mystery and anger,
But with perverted delight.
Striving towards fullfillness,
Full of madness and wit.
You crave, you resist, you desire, you exist.
You savage, you kill, you eat, you thrill.
You try to forget. Trying not to regret.
Your future you think,
Is there, next to your goal.
But it’s who you are, which you are trying to ignore.

When I think of you,
I think: "I want to savage you",
I want to be aware,
I just will have to dare.
When I will ask you my friend,
What will you think in the end?
Will you have a glass of wine?
And then be absolutely mine?
Will there be lust and greed?
Or just plain hate and grief?
What will you do with all that lust?
That lust of flesh and of consumption?
This is not the way you are used to function.
You turn and scream and shout,
You realize you are making primal sounds.
Will you ever be called human?
Or just an ape, one step higher in evolution?

When does it happen,
That everything’s lost,
As if there was nothing,
But a giant hoast.
Why did it happen,
That history's got lost,
Rotting in the pits of a tratorous beast.
A beast which controls and does not obey,
Does nothing to help,
Encourages human decay.
With its jaws and its claws it keeps up the fear,
It keeps them believe the harsh bellowed words,
Of life and it’s loss
Within the pride is obscurized.
The whole treasure though,
Absolutely denied.
With the years passing by,
The memory fades,
I am asking where is the saviour,
To rescue the slaves?

I was wondering,
Where did you go?
That winter night when it was all cold?
In the forest, underneath the leaves you left me behind,
In the dark glowing fluid,
The secret of life.
Where did you go after you danced on my skin?,
With your nails tearing and ripping within.
Why did you leave me all messed up behind?
I loved you so much,
But you did not care,
Only anger, grief and superstition was there.
Now I am falling asleep,
In this cold night,
With tears in my eyes.

Well let me tell you a secret,
It is about the life and what’s in it!
It is the state of mind called euphoria!
It is like a chill, has more impact than pneumonia!
We all should take advantage of it,
For it is a gift!
You shall take care and you shall notice,
The way of your mind and the things that you practice.
Love, fear, existence and despair!
All of them are connected in a lair.
We shouldn’t backup, we all should dare!
Dare to live, speak, shout, love,
For it is what we get,
A life, no more, it is a fact!

What if one day you turned to dust?
All your memories would be lost?
Can you think of that event?
Without craving for revenge?
Raging against the force much stronger than you,
Controls everything which is surrounding you,
The secret kept with pride,
By time and loss and vanished life.
Adopted by the thieves and beggars and priests,
As god it exists.
The faithful dream and pray and hope and die,
They fade away,
Just like some time,
We all will have to die.
Or did I just lie?

Well it happens once in a while,
I tell you that you fail,
So you crack the stupid shell,
Then it happens that you think,
And someone says that I do stink,
But this is all too clear,
Cause it is you and me,
And everything that is near.
I hope you do understand,
That this is the land,
The land of epic fail,
And I will tell you now,
That you just don’t know how,
But then I just might think,
Am I the one who stinks?
Is it really that clear,
Or is there something else near?
Did I epic fail or was it you,
The one with the tale.
Incoherent I talk,
Because sense I can’t grasp.
This is ridiculous,
So I will quit this imbecility,
In a way quite meticulously.
Cheers!

I’m a tramp, I cruise the land and the seas and the thoughts and disease. I do think about my life as the beginning of a knife. I do not know where to go, but I do know for sure, where I go I leave a mark for it is my decision I took the day I was born. Often I dream about the past and I try to deem, but I can’t quite grasp, this feeling it forever will last. I might even tell: “ I do not pretend, this past I demand and I require the truth but there is nothing which will give me proof, you are nothing to me, neither your thoughts. Morality is the issue, which is eating my tissue. I couldn’t yet grasp, did never deny, I hope I’m not living a lie. Now I see you, as the last piece of clue.” I did wrong and I did right, I took decisions with the insight, but I never got told though, the reason unknown, why I am supposed to get it on my own.

[play the song from the video below and read]


~.The Joker.~

Once upon a time, in a land quite familiar, there lived a boy, a boy who grew up with jokes and a brilliant laugh. When he was tall, his jokes weren’t small, they would crack the hardest shell, even of oysters with the most horrible smell. The only difference was, now he would wear a mask. It would cover his face, the wrinkles which made him remember decay. What hell of a fun he’d have, with the bellowing crowd, to stand on the scene and watch all the fat bankers and their braindamaged wives… But once he turned around, the curtain striving his sleeves whilst he got off the stage, his face would turn red and frighteningly mad. In the wagons he would quietly sit, with a wide opened mouth, where no laughter came out. The mask would tingle down his shoulder strapped to his neck and you could see the two faces from awfully happy to absolutely mad. He would start twitching and turning and frighten the kids. From time to time he‘d tell that voices inside of his head would be talking quite rad, but this only happened when he was in bed. One day, on the stage with the lights at his head, he judgingly grinned, he called the crowd pigs and shallow and dim. He turned quite affected, took a little gun and ended quite sudden, this last joke of his, including a man and a bullet and a very loud drum.

I am fascinated, fascinated by the human nature. The way we talk, move, try to keep ourselves calm, panic, cry, laugh, moan and scream.
The way we take care of every movement we make, the way smokers push out the beautyfully curling and dancing slow death out of their lungs. Funny how it seems to get life when we exhale but when we inhale, it actually takes life... Give and take. This is exactly what it is. It gives you comfort and beauty, you on the other hand give it the power to live it out.
I am fascinated by the decorations which we put into our rooms or on our walls. Funny that we need such things.. basically they are just nice to look at. No one really needs them.
Then again? what do we actually need? I say nothing. So why don't just enjoy the ride and watch and breathe and exist and live and love every single feeling we have? Why not even love agony, rage and the empty feeling in your stomache when something bad happens?
Embrace what you have.

If I was the one to be at your side,
I was praying night for night for thy to give me a sign,
Not an answer did I get,
not that I didn’t expect,
An answer not to get,
therefore I had never loved enough,
The idea of fate, in my dreams-I was a rough.
Now here I am, overwhelmed by thy powers I didn’t and still don’t expect,
I don’t know what to do - with this border I am through,
But still I expect…

An answer I won’t get.