The Mind of a space monkey

I buried myself within the lies of the wicked,
With smiles and polite words I denied all the sickness,
I fall but still am walking on and further,
My eyes only seeing the pavement move closer,
Spinning and drifting further and away,
Again I hear the world roaring in vain,
Running and screaming and tearing apart,
I’m beginning to shiver and embracing the dark.
Now I am here in shelter with me,
It is quiet and smothering and hot I cannot stand,
I just can’t resist to begin with again.
But now it’s my toomb which will hold me back.
I feel sick, I want to flee, but my limbs won’t react,
Maybe this isn’t the way I should act.
I remembered my sentence when I broke down before,
It was „ He is dead now, choked on his gore“
But why? How could this all be?
I am thinking am I not? Where am I? Am I me?
And then just a second after thinking all this,
I woke up again, I am just a kid.